


Please, do

by orphan_account



Series: 30 days of Snowpiercer [5]
Category: Snowpiercer
Genre: Autophobia, M/M, PTS, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 13:56:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4567092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edgar has been alone on this train.<br/>He can remember the last time he was alone vividly.<br/>That is why he never leaves Curtis's side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please, do

**Author's Note:**

> The series are inspired by this challenge http://actualodinson.tumblr.com/post/64547472272/30-day-dark-fandom-otp-writing-challenge

_Have you ever been alone on this train?_

Yes, he has.

_Can you even remember the last time you were alone?_

Yes, he can. Edgar supposes he was alone before Curtis dragged him out from under the lowest bunk, the day after his mother had died. He can’t remember why he had even creeped in there, but he remembers the fear. There was nothing, but fear and he can’t even remember what had frightened him like this – he had seen people dying before, everyone with a pair of eyeballs in the Tail section had. And then, there were hands, then there was Curtis, then there was the brightest light he had ever seen. Edgar can’t recall what the sun that older people talk about so much looked like, but he remembers that light, and it was fucking blinding. That was how he’d decided he never wants to be by himself again.

He chases after Curtis from the moment the morning counting is announced till the first nighttime alarm rings. He tries his best not to lose Curtis’s sight when they are sleeping apart. One time, after Curtis came back from the riot, and Edgar was ten, he hasn’t slept for God knows how many nights, because he was afraid that the man would leave him again in the dark. So, Edgar just lied there, refusing to close his eyes, listening to the concert of other people’s breathing.

As Edgar gets older, even that becomes insufficient. At 14 he climbs on the upper bunk to bury his face in Curtis’s back. The older man tries to shake him off, but he clings, because something inside of Edgar yells that if he lets to be pushed away, he will be brought back to the dark and lonely and terrifying place he had left 11 years ago.

Edgar is scared even more, when he sees Curtis talking to other people. He feels like the man is going to get lost in the conversation and abandon Edgar. He used to be scared about Curtis talking to other kids from the start. Then he learned some things, and the circle widened taking all the women at first, and all the men later. He has to be enough, so that Curtis won’t leave him, so that he won’t put him back where he was found. That is why he climbs on the upper bunk with the same intention – to be _enough_. Curtis pushes him away even harder, but Edgar is not only persistent, but also adroit – he entwines around the man till he can’t free himself without hurting Edgar. So Curtis lets go with a heavy sight, and Edgar’s head slides down his chest and stomach. After Edgar is told to go back to bed, but he feels content – Curtis now has one less reason to ever leave him.

_Please, do._

Curtis will never look at him again, or at least Edgar’s eyes will not be able to meet his. That hurts, and again he is in the burning noisy darkness, and again, there are hands holding him, but these hands will only drag him deeper into the gloom. That is how Edgar remembers, why he even was in that place, what’d frightened him so much, and this is beyond his ability to stay in there. So, he tries to get out by himself, away from the darkness, out from under the lowest bunk.


End file.
